College Essay
Throughout my life, I have always had a strong sense of self, however I often grappled with how to portray my identity to others, especially with respect to femininity. The abundance of stereotypes and expectations provides significant barriers to self-expression, but as these obstacles grow more identifiable, it becomes clear just how much society’s views affect young girls. I have learned that while girls attempt to prove their worth in a male-dominated society, they wind up trying to fit in with the boys instead of being unapologetically themselves.
This past summer, I lifeguarded with a girl who continued to say things that strongly exemplified this trend. When we first introduced ourselves, she opened by explicitly telling me that she was a tomboy and proudly justifying why she fit the label. On another occasion, one of our coworkers struggled with a task, to which the lifeguard said, “What do you expect? She’s a woman.” Meeting a girl who repeatedly spoke negatively of her own gender in order to fit in with the men reminded me just how common internalised misogyny is and provoked my curiosity of how this came about.
Many of the books and movies we were exposed to growing up pushed the tomboy image. Female protagonists often did not fit in with the other girls who would go shopping and talk about boys instead of playing sports or video games. Watching them succeed or be rewarded because they were not “girly” like the rest, demonstrated to us that girls with male qualities are more desirable. This provided an unhealthy way for us to view differences between women in society since being fed images of shallow girls juxtaposed with a more capable boyish heroine it seemed as if we could only be one or the other.
Outside of media portrayals, girls in school or online often spread harmful ideas by degrading femininity and participating in misogynistic humor. For example, I had a friend who told me that she was mostly friends with boys because they’re less dramatic and I have heard others claim that feminism is extreme. Because boys have always been looked at as being funnier, smarter, and more capable, adopting stereotypical male traits and interests can make girls feel more valuable and special. It is no secret that there are many fewer respected women than men, so in order to secure one of these spots for herself, a woman has to prove her worthiness and ability to fit in with the men. One seemingly easy way to do this is to set herself apart from the other women and shift toward the masculine side. Most people would feel more inclined to take academic advice from a man than a woman, and similarly would listen to a more tomboyish girl than one with a skirt and painted nails. After hearing compliments of success despite being a woman and witnessing the difference in treatment of men and women, it is extremely tempting to minimize these challenges by downplaying femininity.
As I grew more aware of these patterns in other people, I noticed that I too greatly valued the masculinity of interests and personality traits in myself and others. When I was younger, I was proud of my capabilities because they proved that I could fit in with the boys, but I should have been proud regardless of my gender. In the past I have also been hesitant to dress a certain way or display large amounts of empathy in order to be seen as respectable and intelligent. It is important that I recognize this and make an effort to correct it, especially as I enter a male-dominated STEM field, where I will feel tempted to downplay my femininity to avoid scrutiny and condescension. I do believe that women are becoming more confident, but avoiding burying stereotypical feminine interests or buying into competition will be key to securing total freedom in society.
